Monday, March 2, 2009

What Failure Means to Me

FAILURE - general refers to the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective. It may be viewed as the opposite of success. (Wikepedia)
I was talking to somebody today and she told me about someone she knew how failure affected her family's life. While she was talking to me, it came to the point that I almost break down and tell about my failures...
As a little girl, I always cracked up the conversation on how I waned to be a nurse, drive my own white car, have a big house, and a lot of money in the bank. As a 6-year-old little one, my parents could not believe how I even think and dream of such a thing. I spent my younger years mostly with my grandma and my aunts and I felt like being a princess. They showered me with so much attention and spoiled me with all the things I wanted. Time passes by so fast that my parents together with my younger brother who was 3 years old that time finally settled down in one of the towns in Negros to where my grandparents lived. I was so surprise of the new chapter of my life. I didn't know what is going on. All I knew is that my father was included in the lay-offs of one of the big sugarcane company. He lost his job, his big salary, his reputation and his dream. As a purchaser, he would not accept any job that was below his level. He ended up having no job for 4 years.
Everything changed.
I used to be the favorite and one of my aunt have her first child. They forgot about me. Instead of staying at my grandma's house, I spent all my time with my parents that I was alienated at first. Then, little by little, I finally learned how the care and love of a mother is so much different compared to my aunts and my grandma. We lived in poverty as I can remember. I go to school with only 1 peso for my "baon" till I was in grade 4. In grade 5, it increase 2 pesos! It's pretty funny but it's true. I managed to have honors in my elementary years. I graduated at the rank of 3rd honor and that's quiet impressing for somebody who doesn't even donate a cent for school..hahaha. My mom won't even attend a meeting. She was really shy back those times.
There was one time that my dad and I joined a singing competition, he won and as a beginner, I landed the 3rd place. We all gave the money we won to my mom. That was for a month's budget. There was a time when my dad, my brother and I would ride his bike to go fishing for our food. Those were one of the unforgettable times of my life. 1990 when my younger sister was born. Couple of days she was born, a manager from a certain company dropped by our house and asked my dad if he needed a job. My dad nodded. That was the start of our new life. He landed a job as a clerk. We were so happy! My mother's Sunday masses and Wednesday's novenas paid off. God listened to her prayers.
In highschool, I was a scholar. Though I did not maintained being on top honors, I joined a lot of school activities. From 1st year to 4th year, I joined the chorale. We competed and I really enjoyed those years.
College. My uncle promised my dad that he will support for my education. I enrolled in La Salle. I was accepted in the Accountancy program. Though it really hurt me so bad because I wanted to be a nurse someday. That was because my dad think that I would become like his cousin that is earning 100,000 pesos a month as an accountant/manager. I really hated my course. I was thinking that I am going to fail my dad and my mom. I did not pursued accountancy. That broke my dad's heart. It's just it's hard for me to do things I don't want to do. Second year...I'm still confuse. I didn't know what course I'm going to take for majoring. And finally I landed on Business course. Business Management. I remembered how I used to have 2 terror professors. One professor failed almost 3/4 of the graduating students of my year. Thanks to our dean. She was awesome. But I am just thankful that no matter how hard accounting 101, 102, 103, 104 and 106 were, I passed them all. I graduated college at the age of 19.
Job hunting.
I am so young! :-( My age was not appropriate for the job. New comer, no experience.
After 2 weeks of looking, a good samaritan brought me to one of the big broadcasting network in the philippines. I don't like the job. When you are new, a lot of people would stepped down on you. I awoled... :-)
I end up helping my mom's friend with her business. When she went to USA; my mom, her daughter and I helped the business going. It was a non-profitable business. My grandma's sister helped me with my Masteral degree in Business Administration. But my dad's company opened a job for me. I ccouldn't keep up with my schedule. I just finished few credits.
I loved my job. I was a general clerk. I just loved a job that everything relied on me. I have the job for 3 years and I got pregnant. All my hopes and dreams are gone. As I thought so.
That's how I counted my FAILURE. I failed everything.
But I was wrong. That was the opening of a new chapter of my life. The chapter to when I'm going to meet the man to spend the rest of my life with.
I finally realized that Failure is just the beginning from an end. It makes a person tough and brave and stand as strong as they can. I learned from failure that success is behind those down moments of your life. If you only believe on yourself and won't give up, you will never fall on the ground. Just get up and make everything happen. Everything is never too late. There's always tomorrow and tomorrow is always brighter.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Funny how our lives seem to parallel each other. :-)

It hurts to fail at things that are considered important to life... and I used to berate myself for all the failures that I have experienced. But thinking about the "what ifs" will not bring the past back and make things right. Instead, it will just make you feel even worse. It's true that failures hurt and will make you regret sometimes, but the best way is to think of the positive things. With past failures one can learn valuable lessons in life... ensuring that you don't make the same mistakes twice. But most of all, what we consider failures may be God's way of leading us in a different path. Sometimes we are too dense to hear what He is saying to us that He has to resort to "painful" things to get our attention. But in the end, "all things work together for good." And your life now is way better than good. You are blessed with a beautiful family that loves you more than you can imagine. And that's the most wonderful blessing of all.

Have a wonderful day, Angel.